god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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