My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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