it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
