Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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