gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
