So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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