i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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