Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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