The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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