My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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