quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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