yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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