Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
