If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your penis caused this!
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