A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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