So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
