You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
