I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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