what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
