Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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