I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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