im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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