I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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