Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so much tequila, so little girl.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
