Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
