Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
