so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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