Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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