ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
