My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
