Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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