Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
