I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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