I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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