dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
