I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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