Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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