you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
