Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
