I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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