My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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