i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
