Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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