We're like a lot better than the average bears
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
