My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im part way to drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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