Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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