what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
