best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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