I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
