Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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