u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize