I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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