If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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