So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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