So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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