I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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