i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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