weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
