I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
