Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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