Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
