I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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