genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
