just tell him i said nine months
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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