She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
