C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
