Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
