Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
