So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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