Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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