I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
