so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
