Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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