He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
