You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
