I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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