In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
