Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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