Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm passing your future prison.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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