Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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