Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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