It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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