I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
