College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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