he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
