Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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