your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
