apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.