Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha http://tfl.nu/h2dn
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (4919)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background? http://tfl.nu/ypnh
  Replies (76) Good night (4870) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m
  Replies (9) Good night (1206) Bad night (3107)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8258) Bad night (2725)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv
  Replies (15) Good night (2673) Bad night (4438)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car. http://tfl.nu/bc5h
  Replies (1) Good night (1822) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
  Replies (12) Good night (4563) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude.. http://tfl.nu/bx2g
  Replies (6) Good night (2949) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan. http://tfl.nu/8pg6
  Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes. http://tfl.nu/for0
  Replies (8) Good night (1987) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help? http://tfl.nu/mn7q
  Replies (0) Good night (567) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door. http://tfl.nu/fjm6
  Replies (2) Good night (846) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade. http://tfl.nu/4krw
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night. http://tfl.nu/toib
  Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman http://tfl.nu/c0vg
  Replies (0) Good night (542) Bad night (336)

Randomize