I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.