I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
