the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
honey bunches of taint.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going