So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet