I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.