Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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  (406): Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer. (1-406): Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs http://tfl.nu/ro47
  Replies (46) Good night (869) Bad night (4508)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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  (713): I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist... http://tfl.nu/i7x2
  Replies (15) Good night (4818) Bad night (830)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

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  (604): i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later. http://tfl.nu/i15d
  Replies (41) Good night (899) Bad night (7001)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

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  (571): I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad. http://tfl.nu/ovcp
  Replies (48) Good night (5209) Bad night (1713)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

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  (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket. http://tfl.nu/pclq
  Replies (13) Good night (5933) Bad night (1103)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.

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  (540): You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm. http://tfl.nu/f71e
  Replies (13) Good night (5171) Bad night (1055)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1352) Bad night (3624)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4845) Bad night (884)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too

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  (407): I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too http://tfl.nu/awue
  Replies (0) Good night (928) Bad night (472)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.

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  (860): Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up. http://tfl.nu/ujg8
  Replies (1) Good night (937) Bad night (439)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  As weird as it sounds I would totally be down

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  (847): Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks. (630): As weird as it sounds I would totally be down http://tfl.nu/3ahb
  Replies (8) Good night (1181) Bad night (612)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life

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  (970): I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life http://tfl.nu/g4bg
  Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (632)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.

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  (574): Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time. http://tfl.nu/00ef
  Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (308)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!

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  (908): When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?! http://tfl.nu/arig
  Replies (3) Good night (1358) Bad night (276)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend

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  (208): Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend http://tfl.nu/cr82
  Replies (0) Good night (594) Bad night (220)

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