your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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